I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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