2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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