I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
