he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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