the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize