Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
