Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm too high and old for this...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize