Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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