Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
