i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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