I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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