What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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