Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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