Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
