I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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