i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
