I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
