i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
