Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
