can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
