Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
