rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
