I just saw a hot homeless man
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
