Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We got so high we made milksteak
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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