It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
