i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
