I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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