Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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