No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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