But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
