she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
