dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
