Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
