My boss' voice literally gives me gas
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
