Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you didnt know i had herpes?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i believe in u and ur pee
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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