I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
