I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
