You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
