____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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