I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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