Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
