my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize