Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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