I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
