its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
