If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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