That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
