I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
