there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
