I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
