Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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