So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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