i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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