Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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