wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
