If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize