Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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