he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
