Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
