My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
People in love make me want to vomit
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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