Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
