We won't sleep together?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
