Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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