As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
