ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
