"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
