shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
