Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
