Sponge bath it is.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My vagina is officially offended.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
