omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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