Say something about gay babies.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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